Mrs.Darling McBatshit Crazy

#1. She transfers her kibble, mouthful by silent mouthful into secret stash spots all over the house. (when The Great Depression hit in the 30's, she apparently vowed she would not be unprepared the next time TSHTF ).

#2. She checks the doors in the evening to see if they are locked at least 1/2 dozen times EVERY NIGHT before she is able to bed down.

#3. She hides everything from rolls of duct tape (wtf...), corncobs (really, NO IDEA where she even gets these...) and what look to be sharp, lethal 'doggie shanks' in her crate. Every day I have to shake her crate down like we're in a high security wing on Rikers Island.

#4. Although she is most often a blustering, seemingly fearless, butch asshole to other dogs (if she was a person, she wouldn't even own a dog...), she is actually as emotionally fragile as a butterfly wing, gets hurt feelings often and holds a desperate fear of the dark. In fact the only way to keep her from squealing an unending high-pitched fear bark when we take her on a night walk is to clip a high-powered LED headlight onto her collar so that the street before her lights up like the Vegas Strip.