Victor

 

Photo; Shandra Beri

Me

Hey, what's your name?

Victor

Victor.

Me

Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something to eat?

Victor

Oh. Yes. Buffalo Wings.

Me

I'll look, but I don't think they have Buffalo Wings here at Whole Foods. You want me to get you a roasted chicken?

Victor

No, that's okay.

Me

What about a chicken or turkey sandwich?

Victor

That sounds good. Okay.

Me

You want something to drink?

Victor

Uh, yes. Could you get me this Naked pineapple smoothie?

Me

I better take a picture of it because there are a million smoothies in there and I know I won't remember.

CLICK

Me

Anything else? Want some baby wipes?

 Victor

Yes!

Me

Water?

 Victor

Yes! Actually, do you have enough money to get me a bottle of Alkaline water? I'm trying to cleanse my liver.

Me

Yeah, sure, I can afford that. Anything else?

 Victor

No. Thank you.

I shop for awhile and then return with a bag for Victor.

Me

Hey Victor, here's your stuff. I couldn't find your exact protein drink, but this one is Pina Colada. Also, I sprang for 2 Alkaline Waters.

I hand Victor the bag and I can see that he is feeling discomfort. He starts to tell me why he is homeless.

Me

Hey, Victor, you don't have to tell me your story. I just want you to feel better about today, okay?

Victor

Okay. (pause) You know, white people suck- but not you.

Me

Victor, white people don't suck, the people that run the corporations suck.

Victor

I agree with that, but white people do suck.

Me

You could be right...

 Victor

Not you though!

Me

Hahaha... have a nice day Victor. There's hot bacon on that turkey sandwich!

Everly Brothers; Bye Bye Love

Not Everyone Who Headed Out West Actually Made It...

 

Photo; Shandra Beri

 Sometimes you just have to leave them behind. He fell outside the doggy daycare so the probability that the bacteria count was off the charts was just too high. 3 seconds may as well have been 3 days. Au revoir little fella...

I Love Your Hair

 

Photo; Shandra Beri

Me

I love your hair. 

Her

Thank you!

Me

Can I take your picture and put it on my blog?

Her

Mmmm (wavering)...okay. Just not close!

Me

How do you do it?

Her

Cheap drugstore gel. I've done it for so long, I could do it without a mirror.

Me

Really? How long?

Her

10.... maybe 15 years.

Me

15 years? Wow, that is a commitment.

Her 

Yes, I am TOTALLY committed.

Me

Do you ever take it off- I mean to sleep or just give your forehead a break?

Her

No.

Me

No? What about your skin? Doesn't it need to breathe?

Her

I don't think so.

Me

What does it look like under there?

Her

Like skin. Maybe more pale than my face. I once worked outside in the sun for 3 days and had a sunburn in the shape of my curl.

Me

Haha...that's hilarious. How did you decide on this 'do'?

Her

I love 70's glam rock and my hair was so curly I could just never make it line up with what I felt I should look like until I stumbled upon this look. I just love it. I'll never change.

Me

I really love it too. Do you have cats?

Her

Yes! How did you know?

Me

You look like you would listen to 70's glam rock with cats.

Her

Hahahaha...

The Best Avocado Sandwich

 

Photo; Shandra Beri

When you are STARVING and so crabby from a lack of food that you cannot even figure out how to feed yourself and someone makes you a toasted whole wheat open faced sandwich with golden heirloom tomatoes, organic avocado and fresh cracked black pepper all laying on a generous and decadent slather of organic mayo- well, you definitely know you are living The High Life.

(Thank you, Rebecca!)

David Suzuki

L.A.

 

Photo; Shandra Beri

Okay, THIS. One of my favorite parts about L.A. (the only part I never tire of...) is the wild flower field of human expression that proliferates here. L.A. is just so big (and yes, yes oddly small) that persons can simply be who or whatever they really are. Is this dog her husband? Her companion? Her personal mascot? All of the above? Yes/no...it doesn't matter! Animal lover? Well, to a degree, since she was wearing real fur, eating fancy carnitas and made the dog sit in a (Hermes, darling...) bag until I asked her to point him at my camera. Anyway, her nails, that ring, his collar (based upon her famous table companions, it is within the realm of possibility the jewels are NOT cubic zirconium....), I HAVE QUESTIONS! Is she a medium? A matchmaker? The wife of a wealthy Asian industrialist? WE WILL NEVER KNOW and dammit, I like it that way!

A Most Proper Way To Greet The New Year

 Photo; Shandra Beri

'What time is it? Still January 1st?'

Photo; Shandra Beri

'Wake us up on the 3rd- and there better be a beach trip involved.'


(Likelihood high there will be movement prior to this date should the aroma of organic apple wood smoked bacon be detected.)